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[wittingly]

@ian.fowler | ■ ▲ ◌ ▼

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[wittingly]

I don't know what to say about it, man. At some point it devolved from the actual discussion I was trying to have to

whatever that was

[lifetothefullest]

[There's a short delay because he's rereading the conversations on the post, before he gets back to responding.]

If it helps, as personal as it seemed it may actually have been--at least partially--misdirected aggression. Unfortunately, you were a 'safe' target, in that there would be little to no consequences for taking out emotions on you; since the worst you could do would be to return the personal jabs, and you've shown before that you don't typically resort to that, the appeal of being able to lash out was probably the motivating factor rather than anything about you, specifically.

Not to say that makes it okay, because it doesn't, but it might help to know.

[wittingly]

Maybe, I don't know. It felt like she had some of that teed up and waiting.

[lifetothefullest]

[He hadn't wanted to get specific--especially about individual people--until Ian did, but now that they're at that point--]

Some of it probably was.

[He can't really argue with that, and it's why he'd qualified his earlier statement with 'partially'.]

Did you ever actually resolve your previous conflict? About Riverstone?

[And he means either the argument on Nate's post or the original one. Or both, really.]

[wittingly]

The Riverstone one, more or less. The one after about this same issue we just dropped. It seemed like it would have been a whole

thing. Like right now it feels like it would wind up being a whole thing.

[lifetothefullest]

It's already a whole thing, just one that's hanging between you quietly instead of in the open.

[He's being a huge hypocrite here--what else is new--but this cycle is just going to keep repeating if it isn't interrupted.]

[wittingly]

I don't know if it would come to any kind of satisfying conclusion

I think the disengage tactic is the only one that's really going to work

[lifetothefullest]

It'll work to stop further arguments, but nothing more than that.

[wittingly]

That solves the problem

( Except even he knows better than that. He could be emotionally tone deaf, but from a pure engineering perspective it doesn't hold up. When you're building something, you imagine all of the ways it could break and then reverse engineer it to prevent it from happening in the first place.

Not a structurally sound plan, but such is his track record with interpersonal relationships. )

[lifetothefullest]

That solves one problem.

[But he thinks Ian knows that, so he won't push the subject any more. He's made his point.]

But aside from that issue, how are you doing with everything else?

[Like dealing with having two sets of memories, or the whole Nate thing.]

[wittingly]

If we're spending this much time on my problems, we're doing you next

( Just as a warning. Now's your chance to bow out, it's a tit for tat man. They're building a reciprocity relationship, as far as he's concerned. )

[lifetothefullest]

I don't have problems, so it'll be a fast conversation.

[If this were in person he wouldn't even attempt to say that with a straight face, but it's not. It's still surely obvious he's both lying and expects Ian to know that, though.

He does consider taking the option to retreat here, but he's stopped both by concern about how Ian's handling things and wanting to see if there's anything he can do to help, and the awareness that he shouldn't be closing himself off. Of course, he's always aware of the latter, but right now he's also too emotionally numb to care much and also aware that fact is its own sign he shouldn't be avoiding things.

So for now, he decides to stick with the conversation, even if he might regret it later.]

[wittingly]

One of the things I like best about you is your sense of humor.

( AKA the most pleasant way anybody's ever called bullshit.

Maybe just like a mild deflection. Just like a short term stalling. )

[lifetothefullest]

Thanks, but just because I'm lying doesn't mean you have to.

[He'll allow the deflecting for now, going along with it, but only until it goes on for too long.]

[wittingly]

( He doesn't intend to drag it out long, he's too aware they both know what he's doing. )

Honestly

I've been having some pretty vivid nightmares, which is fun. Saw somebody cut herself on accident at work and almost threw up. But on the flip side, I think things are going

weirdly okay
with Nate?

I think

[lifetothefullest]

You probably already know this, but it might help to hear anyway: that all sounds really normal. Even the thing about your coworker; is she okay, by the way?

I'm glad to hear about Nate. I'm sure it must be a process, but it's really good that so far you're doing okay.

[wittingly]

She's fine. She could bench press me. She looked more worried about me in the end, actually.

How do I know if I'm doing it right? IS there a right way to do this?

[lifetothefullest]

That's good. What was it that bothered you so much about her accident, if you know?

No, there's no 'right' way to do this. I think the closest you can get is being respectful, and patient, and compassionate, and then see how it goes from there.

[Not that he expects Ian to be any other way--or likewise, for Nate to be any other way--but he thinks that's the closest to 'right' that can be achieved in this situation. And he thinks that if they can both do that, then things will get better, to whatever extent that might end up being.]

[wittingly]

The bleeding, one thousand percent. I'm pretty sure that has less to do with my death and more to do with that fucking Quarry.

( Twenty two years old, slitting somebody's throat. Watching him bleed out. He was supposed to be in school. That's a far cry from what he did in California at twenty two, to say the least. )

Don't you psychiatrists have like some kind of secret scroll of wisdom and divine truth that they pass out during orientation week or something? Stop being selfish, man. Share the scroll.

[lifetothefullest]

[The answer itself isn't surprising, but it's more that Ian has an answer; it's the nice sort of surprising, though.]

Knowing what's causing it is the first step to being able to process it, so I'm glad to hear that.

I'm a psychologist, not a psychiatrist, so no; we're not privy to that. It comes with the ability to write prescriptions.

[wittingly]

( Yeah, he has that answer because it was the immediate knee-jerk memory that came to mind right before the nausea set in. That probably won't be a problem later at all. )

Shit
I don't know, a valium vs. ancient knowledge
One of those won't help my stress
I think you picked the right field

[lifetothefullest]

I think my statement was too vague because you're giving me too much credit; I can't do either the valium or the ancient knowledge. You're just stuck with my terrible advice instead.

[wittingly]

Lance
Why do I even talk to you?

[lifetothefullest]

My great sense of humor, remember?

[wittingly]

I'm rethinking my choices.

( No he's not. Lance has somehow found the exact right attitude for Ian to feel like talking about this shit isn't

as much of a risk, somehow. Like it isn't sensitive. He doesn't feel particularly vulnerable. He must've been fucking amazing at his job. )

I think it's your turn
What was your relationship like with your mother and what's the answer to the trolley problem?