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[wittingly]

@ian.fowler | ■ ▲ ◌ ▼

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[lifetothefullest]

[He won't protest because okay, fair enough, they're still on him. Though he is going to be keeping track of how many questions are answered and turn things around on Ian as soon as is appropriate.

But for now, he considers the question, considers yet again how honest to be, and then finally--]

I've reached the point where I don't really feel anything, so the answer is up for interpretation.

[On one hand, dealing with the stress is much easier when it doesn't register anymore. On the other, he knows very well how bad that actually is.]

[wittingly]

( That hilariously matches what Nate did with him weeks and weeks ago -- a question for a question, except. Sixty stories off the ground. )

Have you taken any time to like
Take care of yourself, or process, or just do some like self care or something instead of constantly distracting yourself with other people's problems?

( Like he can't guess the answer to that question. )

[lifetothefullest]

[Of course the answer to those questions is no, just as Ian surely expected. So Lance doesn't bother to say so, and instead offers something actually more genuine.]

I was one of the first people back here.

[He could've even been the first. He doesn't know, and it doesn't matter; what matters is that when he'd returned, there was no one else he knew. As people had begun to return--native citizens, mostly, probably through just normal ways to die when living somewhere like he Aerie--he'd been one of the only people both present and with any knowledge of how to help them.

So even if he hadn't been also distracting himself, taking a break wasn't much of an option. Even as others continued to return, including other Displaced, they still couldn't afford to lose anyone; then, when he'd turned his attention even briefly to the Henries issue, there had been the judgement about not focusing entirely on the relief efforts.

But even without those excuses, and the pressure, and of course his own genuine desire to help, he probably wouldn't have wanted to slow down anyway. The emotional numbness is something he doesn't need his degrees to know is a defense mechanism, and it's one he's had a long time, so he can recognize when it happens and what it means when it does. He also knows it means he's at the point where he can't put off dealing with it any longer, but even if he wanted to, the opportunity isn't really there.]

I can't afford the time needed to deal with things right now.

[wittingly]

( Now, this is concerning. The tone of it, somehow, or just the implication. The curtness, or the way he dismisses himself, or how disprovable it is. )

If I said that to you
or Nate said that to you
What would your answer be?

[lifetothefullest]

You know what it would be.

[So he won't bother to write it out. He also won't bother to mention that he knows full well he's being a hypocrite.

Instead--]

I think we're back to my turn with the questions.

[wittingly]

Alright

( Fair enough, he won't fight it, he definitely doesn't want to push too hard. )

But just for the record
I give a shit, and I wanna make sure you're okay
So if there's some way I can help, I want to

[lifetothefullest]

[He never quite knows what to do with that sentiment, because he doesn't hear it very often; it's one of those things he's never gotten used to, especially when it's from someone who hasn't known him a long time. He knows, of course, that it's entirely possible for such a sentiment to be genuine even from a total stranger, but it still catches him off guard whenever someone makes the offer.

So there's a short delay as he tries to collect his thoughts, before he finally formulates a response.]

Thank you. I might take you up on that at some point.

I won't keep putting this off forever.

[He'll make that much of a promise, at least.]

[wittingly]

( It's easy as hell for Ian to reach out and console other people -- when it doesn't involve his issues it's sage wisdom and stoner calm all day long. Between Kyna, Nate, and that life in the Aerie, it feels a little easier to offer up friendship. Mind blowing progress from where he started when he woke up in New Amsterdam. )

I don't think you could if you wanted to
What I mean is
I don't think anybody could

But we can take the spotlight off your gross squishy parts for a minute.

[lifetothefullest]

Sounds like a challenge when you put it that way.

[And he's very competitive. But he also knows, logically, that Ian's right; even if he could probably continue to repress and ignore everything for some amount of time longer, it's only going to make it worse when he finally does hit the limit.

But it's something that can wait at least a little while, though he decides--for now, anyway, until he likely talks himself out of it later--to try to do something about it sooner rather than later. For now, though, he'll take the opportunity to redirect.]

I'll avoid squishiness from either of us for now; besides the personal issues, what have you been doing since you got back other than discussing the Henries stuff?

[Has he been taking part in any of the mess in the city, or going on the New Tokyo trip?]

[wittingly]

( Yeah, he'll let that joke hang unremarked upon. They both know.

But he'll check back in on this whole thing in a couple days anyway. )

Trying to build something I think will help Nate
well I mean it'll help everyone that was in the Quarry, I think
It's a little slow going with my head not being all the way in the game

[lifetothefullest]

Yeah? What is it?

I think being a little out of it's to be expected, so it's amazing you're getting any work done at all.

[wittingly]

So like
You know how in bars, restaurants, homes, advertisements, whatever
They have these projections that interface with the implant? Everyone can see the same thing at the same time from a localized source?

I'm trying to create a face mask from it. Essentially projecting another face over your own so if you're walking through a crowd you won't get recognized. It won't hold up under intense scrutiny, but in passing I think it'll be enough.

[lifetothefullest]

That's really interesting. Theoretically it does seem like it should work, though you'll have to be really careful with how you map it; humans are very sensitive to even the smallest things being out of place when it comes to faces.

That said, even if it's only good from a distance or a brief glance, that's still way better than how things are now. Sunglasses haven't really been working out too well, so I'll take anything at this point.

[He hates this being recognized thing, it's awful. And he knows it must be even worse for Nate.]

[wittingly]

Yeah, the uncanny valley effect is something I'd considered. I thought about sourcing features from public media and setting it up to randomize each feature from a different face to make one butt ugly person.

It would still be terrible, but maybe like 30% less creepy than the porcelain doll mannequin-esque alternative.

[lifetothefullest]

I don't know, terrifying people sounds kind of great right now.

[He's joking, but also not. He's never been scary in his life, and with the amount that he currently wants people to never look at him again, terrifying them with some sort of far too perfect eerie doll face has a definite appeal.]

[wittingly]

I'll make you the halloween edition based on that creepy puppet from Saw

[lifetothefullest]

I'll take it, though I was thinking more like Kayako from The Grudge.

[wittingly]

Can I be honest man
I've never seen that
I give Nate shit all the time but between you and me, I pretty much stopped watching TV/movies after like 2002 or something


I just thought the Saw traps were cool

[lifetothefullest]

I wonder if you can still find movies that old now.

But that means I'm the most up to date on pop culture? By like a lot? Awesome.

[He won't betray the secret, but he will also totally torment both Ian and Nate now that he knows he can.]

The traps were cool but the Saw movies were super frustrating from a psychologist standpoint.

[wittingly]

I've seen SOME stuff, I'm not like a total recluse or anything, just
After I started college it all went out the window

But I'm fucking wildly fascinated to hear what you have to say about the psychology of Saw


for the record I only saw like 2.5 of them so if this requires a comprehensive understanding of the series you're gonna be talking to a tree basically

[lifetothefullest]

Aw, you started college after 2002?

Actually wait, now that I think about it, I have no idea what year it is in your world or how old you are, so I guess the year doesn't really matter that much.

Thanks, though it'll probably be disappointing since I haven't seen any of them in awhile. I just remember that the motivations made very little sense most of the time, and although it's not unusual for people to react strangely or with a lack of common sense in stressful situations, the prevalence and degree to which it occurs is contrived. So is the seeming complete lack of any attempt to learn from previous mistakes.

[wittingly]

Not all of us graduated at 11 years old, dude
I think I started in 04 actually so maybe I don't have a good excuse for that one
I was born in 1986, and it was 2018 when the ships touched down. After that it sort of got super easy to lose track of time. I think it was like
a year later, maybe 18 months before I showed up here

I feel like I got built up for something and immediately underwhelmed

[lifetothefullest]

Weird. Time's weird.

[Don't mind him, just... Realizing that again with concrete dates to compare to.]

I was born in 1985, but I'm younger than you by like three-ish years? Counting time in Hadriel.

I told you you'd be disappointed. If we can find the movies though we can drag a bunch of people in for a movie night and I'll do live commentary.

[wittingly]

On the condition that you promise to forget what a baby I am after the night is over. Horror movies spook the shit out of me. It is not flattering. Like, extremely not flattering. If I had any real pride I'd bail. Fortunately that also went out the window in like 2002.

[lifetothefullest]

We could keep it to just you and me and Nate; I don't know how Nate is with horror movies, actually.

[And now he wants to, but no need to embarrass Ian in front of any more people than that. Of course, he's assuming that by the time any of them would feel like watching 'vintage' movies things will probably have worked out more with Ian and Nate, and it's possible they won't have, but he has faith.]