Meadowlark Inbox;

[wittingly]

@ian.fowler | ■ ▲ ◌ ▼

Comments

[wittingly]

Wait are you seriously offering to send a tailor to my house

[nonstopnarcissist]

Send a pic of your best suit.

[wittingly]

why

[ two minutes later ]

attachment_01.jpg

[nonstopnarcissist]

That's barely fit for a funeral, let alone this kind of shindig. I'll send Valentino, he'll get you set up, call it an early bonus.

[wittingly]

Why are you doing this

[nonstopnarcissist]

Because if you're going, you're representing The Company, and we can't afford to look like schmucks. There's a look- I know you're neck-deep in the work aspect but if you're going to step out and step up? It's a whole other ballpark. You work for me, how you handle yourself reflects on me.

I'm covering my own ass here, don't feel special.

[wittingly]

Right
Makes sense

I'm not gonna embarrass you
I still remember the post-quarry tours
You've got nothing to worry about

Thank you for the tailor

[nonstopnarcissist]

Thank me by taking a nap or getting concealer for the bags under your eyes. That's my look, copying it is gauche.

[wittingly]

They say imitation is the highest form of flattery
Everybody's gotta have a role model

[nonstopnarcissist]

Don't make me send Paulette to do your makeup for the party, if you're gonna imitate me, it means going all in.

[wittingly]

Is it strange that I've never met Paulette and yet somehow a cold ominous breeze just blew through my apartment and down my spine?

[nonstopnarcissist]

No, that is the appropriate amount of dread. She's the best but- that comes at a cost. She may or may not be an eldritch being of some kind, I'm not sure. I've never asked.

[wittingly]

Does she come with weird rules like
knock thrice on the pantry before you open the door to let her in
place a single dime under your tongue until she leaves
only say your own name backwards
turn all your cups upside down or she'll over-line your eyes?

[nonstopnarcissist]

So you've seen her usual contract. Don't forget to leave out a glass of milk and thimble of honey and never, ever turn your back on her or your contouring will be all wrong and she'll give you an orange tan.

[wittingly]

I've built hydraulic presses less complicated than this

[nonstopnarcissist]

Welcome to the big leagues, Orbie. It's all up from here. And by up I mean increasingly complicated games of social chess and political capital.

[wittingly]

I got enough of that after my quarry like a decade ago, I'm good in my lowly station minding my own business and not reminding anyone I'm still alive
I can live vicariously through my boyfriend when I want to remember how much I hated it

[nonstopnarcissist]

So I shoudn't keep your name on the list for potential promotions moving forward.

[wittingly]

not if those promotions involve politics or cameras or talking to reporters or doing anything other than actually building shit

[nonstopnarcissist]

They don't have to if that's not your bag.

[wittingly]

thank you
wait
'keep'?
as in i'm already on it?

[nonstopnarcissist]

What can I say, Brown Recluse, you do good work and aren't a complete asshole.

[wittingly]

I like to tell myself I'm half an asshole at best

[nonstopnarcissist]

On the scale of what I deal with? You hover at a polite 34%.

[wittingly]

I feel like I should get that on a placard or something
maybe put it in my obituary
Ian Fowler, only 34% asshole
my mom would have been so proud