I seriously don't think I could stand by and watch someone rip into you that hard that much and not say anything, especially if it was a friend of mine. Hell, I'm not even sure they'd BE a friend of mine after something like that. I get not wanting to add more fuel to the fire. That's a logical reason.
But man if that happened to you and you came to me asking me to get my friend to stop insulting you, the last thing I'd do is defend them to you
But then there's this whole other voice in my head telling me I'm being unreasonable because that's not how it works in real life. So, I don't know. I don't know what the right way to feel is right now.
[Well, that makes her heart break a little at the same time it gives her a rush of relief. She hurt him, but they're talking about it, and this is way more than she would have expected from anyone here six months ago. It just means she's more determined to get this right.]
however you feel is right right? wait i mean i'm starting to think there's not a right way to feel about anything
i told him to lay off and that he was wrong about you i'm just i don't know i'm trying to get better about handling this shit and nothing anyone else was saying to him was working plus, i think he's an angry kid who's been through a lot of awful bullshit i used to do that doubling down thing when people called me out because i was scared
[So yelling at him feels like a waste of time, because it never would have worked on her. She was never that acerbic, but defensive lashing out she gets.]
but i'm sorry it seemed like i was defending him and i'm sorry i snapped at you
It's alright At the end of the day it doesn't matter, I really don't care what he thinks about me I care about me and you, and how we are to each other Don't worry about it, don't stress out about it, I'll get over it when I'm not so wound up. I'm just gonna smoke some weed and do some work, chill out.
alright but full disclosure I've been smoking since like half way through the conversation with that kid to keep from losing my mind, so that's in your immediate future.
[Yeah yeah, she sure can do that. In fact, she doesn't even bother to knock when she arrives, just walks on through. He had plenty of warning, so any embarrassing shit is on him.]
Hey.
[This is chill and they're Fine. Definitely. She's almost completely convinced herself of it.]
[ There is indeed no embarrassing shit, just Ian's mp3 player streaming through a speaker he seems to have built — it isn't pretty, but it does well enough to fill his little apartment with music while he works.
He's got a set of goggles on, dark-tinted lenses that screen out the brightness of what seems like some kind of soldering iron in his hand. He pauses when she enters. Offers her a 'sup' nod without taking the goggles off. ]
[Kyna crosses the room to join him, leaning down to kiss him on the cheek. It's starting to become a standard thing from her, but this time it's brief enough that he only gets a little rush of affection from the empathy bond before she pulls away.]
[ She probably gets back the equivalent of emotional static, such is the nature of conflicting emotions and marijuana. Too short to really pick up on any one specific feeling. He doesn't shy away from it, though. ]
Reinventing the wheel.
[ He sighs, looking back down at the metal plate of circuits and delicate chips. ]
Trying to recreate the-- you know how the doors and the advertisements and everything react to our implant? I'm trying to recreate that mechanism so I can understand how it works and incorporate it into shit. I wanna build things that are implant-reactive.
[She could go grab a chair, but she leans her elbow on his shoulder instead. His conflicting emotions aren't really a shock to her, although they make her feel guilty all over again. Maybe she can figure out a way to cheer him up.]
[ He sighs, lowering the soldering iron and reaching up with his other hand to tug the goggles up his forehead. They push his hair back like a headband. ]
I get the mechanical part, that's easy. I even mostly get how it... detects the implant. It's just like... wifi or bluetooth but with an extra 500 years of advancement. What I don't get is how it... translates, you know? How it takes the signal it's receiving and deciphers it into a command to respond to.
[She's not sure. She doesn't know enough of this stuff to help, really. And honestly, she's still a little anxious. What if he's still upset with her or she fucked up in a permanent way?
But she tries to shove that aside, pulls away from him to grab a chair and drag it over.]
How do you usually figure this kind of thing out? When you don't know how it works, I mean?
[ He is upset, but it isn't as simple as that either -- he's twisted up in his head about being upset, about whether or not he has the right to be, about whether or not it matters, and beyond that he's never been particularly good at coping with his own upset. He handles it like this, by getting stoned and channeling his mind into work until the feeling settles enough for him to ignore it entirely. ]
Engineering is a weird field, in that it... kind of spills over into a lot of other areas. Programming, mechanics, chemistry. You have to know a little about a lot in order to bring it all together.
[ Calm and patient, like this is a classroom. ]
And the only real way to bring it all together is by--
[ A vague gesture at the component on his desk. ]
Doing this until I understand it. All machines make sense eventually. They all have a defined, logical structure.
[ There's a comfort in knowing there are explicit answers to find, and that they're guaranteed to be found. There's a comfort in feeling confident that he'll work something out, it'll make sense, he knows the territory he's navigating even if he's never been to this particular version of it before. ]
[She says it teasingly, peering down at the bits Ian's working on. Honestly, she wonders how he would deal with magic if they were back in her world. There are so many less neat rules and so much more unpredictability.]
[So Kyna stays quiet for a bit, just letting him work and watching. She has no idea what he's really doing or what he's looking for, but it's sort of soothing.
After about ten minutes or so, though, her anxiety gets the best of her, and she nudges him gently.]
[ It's meditation for him, particularly while stoned. He goes into a kind of state of flow when he's working, a weird combination of spaced-out and focused, some really peak zen.
It startles him a little when she nudges him out of it; he pauses and nudges the goggles up again. ]
Hey.
[ He's anticipating more Feelings. No le gusta. Por que. Everyone get stoned and forget about your feelings. He should get her high. ]
[He's anticipating correctly, although she pauses first, reaching up to smooth back a lock of his hair that's sticking up awkwardly because of the goggles.]
Um... I just wanted to say I'm sorry again. I should have... you know. Been more worried about how you felt instead of...
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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we talk about everything else
[And, okay, the L word is still a little scary, but—]
you're my best friend too
like, my second one ever
i wasn't trying to make it seem like
i don't know
like i was siding with him over you
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I seriously don't think I could stand by and watch someone rip into you that hard that much and not say anything, especially if it was a friend of mine. Hell, I'm not even sure they'd BE a friend of mine after something like that. I get not wanting to add more fuel to the fire. That's a logical reason.
But man if that happened to you and you came to me asking me to get my friend to stop insulting you, the last thing I'd do is defend them to you
But then there's this whole other voice in my head telling me I'm being unreasonable because that's not how it works in real life. So, I don't know. I don't know what the right way to feel is right now.
no subject
however you feel is right
right?
wait
i mean i'm starting to think there's not a right way to feel about anything
i told him to lay off and that he was wrong about you
i'm just
i don't know
i'm trying to get better about handling this shit
and nothing anyone else was saying to him was working
plus, i think he's an angry kid who's been through a lot of awful bullshit
i used to do that doubling down thing when people called me out because i was scared
[So yelling at him feels like a waste of time, because it never would have worked on her. She was never that acerbic, but defensive lashing out she gets.]
but i'm sorry it seemed like i was defending him
and i'm sorry i snapped at you
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At the end of the day it doesn't matter, I really don't care what he thinks about me
I care about me and you, and how we are to each other
Don't worry about it, don't stress out about it, I'll get over it when I'm not so wound up. I'm just gonna smoke some weed and do some work, chill out.
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[She thinks that's obvious but also feels like she should say it.]
can i come over and hang out?
i mean, i don't have to
just if you want
it might be nice
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maybe i just want to see your pretty face
[Or do something with him that isn't a serious discussion. Same thing.]
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but full disclosure I've been smoking since like half way through the conversation with that kid to keep from losing my mind, so that's in your immediate future.
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give me like
20 minutes
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it's not unlocked, but
you know
[ you can walk through walls and shit. ]
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Hey.
[This is chill and they're Fine. Definitely. She's almost completely convinced herself of it.]
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He's got a set of goggles on, dark-tinted lenses that screen out the brightness of what seems like some kind of soldering iron in his hand. He pauses when she enters. Offers her a 'sup' nod without taking the goggles off. ]
Hey, man.
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What are you doing?
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Reinventing the wheel.
[ He sighs, looking back down at the metal plate of circuits and delicate chips. ]
Trying to recreate the-- you know how the doors and the advertisements and everything react to our implant? I'm trying to recreate that mechanism so I can understand how it works and incorporate it into shit. I wanna build things that are implant-reactive.
no subject
[She could go grab a chair, but she leans her elbow on his shoulder instead. His conflicting emotions aren't really a shock to her, although they make her feel guilty all over again. Maybe she can figure out a way to cheer him up.]
You could use that for so much stupid shit.
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[ He agrees, a faint breath of humor pushed into the word. The shenanigans are endless. ]
Except this is like... so ridiculously intricate, I only half understand how it all interacts.
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[That's definitely a solid strategy for engineering, she's sure of it.]
What part don't you understand?
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I get the mechanical part, that's easy. I even mostly get how it... detects the implant. It's just like... wifi or bluetooth but with an extra 500 years of advancement. What I don't get is how it... translates, you know? How it takes the signal it's receiving and deciphers it into a command to respond to.
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[She's not sure. She doesn't know enough of this stuff to help, really. And honestly, she's still a little anxious. What if he's still upset with her or she fucked up in a permanent way?
But she tries to shove that aside, pulls away from him to grab a chair and drag it over.]
How do you usually figure this kind of thing out? When you don't know how it works, I mean?
no subject
Engineering is a weird field, in that it... kind of spills over into a lot of other areas. Programming, mechanics, chemistry. You have to know a little about a lot in order to bring it all together.
[ Calm and patient, like this is a classroom. ]
And the only real way to bring it all together is by--
[ A vague gesture at the component on his desk. ]
Doing this until I understand it. All machines make sense eventually. They all have a defined, logical structure.
[ There's a comfort in knowing there are explicit answers to find, and that they're guaranteed to be found. There's a comfort in feeling confident that he'll work something out, it'll make sense, he knows the territory he's navigating even if he's never been to this particular version of it before. ]
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[She says it teasingly, peering down at the bits Ian's working on. Honestly, she wonders how he would deal with magic if they were back in her world. There are so many less neat rules and so much more unpredictability.]
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[ He agrees with a sage nod. Thusly proclaimed, he tugs his goggles back down again. ]
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After about ten minutes or so, though, her anxiety gets the best of her, and she nudges him gently.]
Hey.
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It startles him a little when she nudges him out of it; he pauses and nudges the goggles up again. ]
Hey.
[ He's anticipating more Feelings. No le gusta. Por que. Everyone get stoned and forget about your feelings. He should get her high. ]
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Um... I just wanted to say I'm sorry again. I should have... you know. Been more worried about how you felt instead of...
[She trails off, gesturing vaguely.]
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